The Facts Machine

"And I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide"

Thursday, February 03, 2005


From The Borowitz Report:
New Jersey Toy Seller Spots Hoax

In an elaborate hoax perpetrated on millions of Americans, last night’s State of the Union address was delivered not by President George W. Bush but instead by a plastic action doll, the White House confirmed today.

The trickery might have gone completely unnoticed had it not been for Roland Celenza, a New Jersey toy store owner who was watching the speech and identified the figure at the podium as the George W. Bush Elite Force Aviator™, a popular item released after Mr. Bush’s famous landing on the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln on May 1, 2003.

"I was sitting there looking at the TV and I practically fell out of my chair," said Mr. Celenza, who owns the Toy Explosion store in Teaneck. "I said to my wife, that’s not the president, that’s a toy."

The Elite Force Aviator™, dressed in civilian clothes instead of its customary flight suit, emphasized Social Security in the speech, which was interrupted by partisan applause dozens of times.

On Capitol Hill today, congressional Republicans such as Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Tenn) refused to criticize the White House’s decision to use a plastic action doll to deliver such an important speech, saying only, "That toy hit it out of the park."
He's funny about 60% of the time, but I prefer Tom Burka. For example,
Iraqis hailed the Iraqi election this past weekend as a "good first step" step toward a representational democracy, but, with a mixture of sadness, hope, and courage, acknowledged that more needed to be done. "We have much to do before we can claim the kind of successful representative democracy that America has," said Fawad Ghreib, an Iraqi election official. "For one thing, in this election we barely had any three-hour-long waits."
It goes on from there.


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