LET ME LIVE NEXT TO YOUR FIRE
or
MAYBE THIS IS GOD'S WAY OF TELLING US WE SHOULDN'T HAVE VOTED FOR ARNOLD

As you probably noticed from the unusually daunting, power-packed music coming from your telescreen CNN, there are big-ass wildfires reducing homes and vast acreage in the greater LA area to ash and chards.

As you can see from this graphic, the locations of the fires range from Simi Valley in the west, to Crestline Claremont and SanBernadino in the north, to the SD suburb of Ramona in the south.

Now I had assumed that since I am located in the Santa Barbara area, our local air quality wouldn't suffer from the effects of these blazes, since prevailing winds generally take stuff to the east, away from us.

Boy, was I wrong.

The first moment I stepped outside, I was struck by not only how hazy the skies were, but by how the air stung my face and scratched at my windpipe when I inhaled it. I couldn't believe it.

Yes, even westerly Santa Barbara had achieved "satan's asscrack" status.

And it could get even worse here, according to the National Weather Service:

...A Red Flag Warning Through Monday Afternoon For Extremely Low Humidity In The Santa Barbara County Mountains...Zone 252.

All it would take is one disturbed or disgruntled UCSB student, annoyed by his looming PS104 research paper, or one girl completely fed up with the prospect of men enjoying themselves by watching her.

And it could happen, as I've had a run-in with arson here at UCSB. It was March of 2000, it was 4 in the morning, and I was leaving my 4th floor dormroom in San Miguel Hall to go to Freebirds and get a monster burrito. Well, it was a convergence of hungry/studing, I know. As I walked back from Isla Vista, I could hear the distant ringing of what sounded like a fire alarm. I remarked to myself "please don't let that be my building". But yes, my tower was evacuated, and I met up with my friends on the lawn below. The funny thing was, they were all in their PJ's, and there I was in full clothes and jacket . . . and holding a very large burrito.

"Hey guys, what's up!", I remarked.

Apparently some troublemaker went into the bathroom on my floor and started a healthy wastebasket fire, the alarms went off and everybody got the hell outta dodge. A number of us were questioned as to what happened, though the actual perpetrator was apparently never found. Some people think it was an upset outsider; my floor was part of the "Creative and Performing Arts Interest Hall", and thus, we made a lot of noise over the course of the year, so perhaps someone was fed up with us. Others think it may have been an inside job; it's not outside the realm of possibility that there may have been a pyro or two on our floor. Despite the incriminating fact that I was awake at the time the fire was started, my huge burrito made for a handy alibi.

So in light of all this, I have reason to be concerned that firestorm conditions, and not just their air-quality effects, could make there way here.

In a related note, today's LA Times weather section labels air quality in the area immediately around SB as "good". The air today was worse than the worst day in the Bay Area. If this is "good", I shudder at the possibility of "bad". Cancel those plans to move to LA after I graduate. I want those extra few years of my life back.