ATTENTION PULITZER!

Did you read your Daily Nexus yesterday?

Man Jerks Off at Women's Center Fair
Suspect Avoids Police After Being Spotted Masturbating
By Jason La - Staff Writer
Friday, October 24, 2003

An unidentified man allegedly spotted masturbating in front of the Women's Center evaded capture Thursday after Women's Center staff members called the Community Service Organization and UC Police Dept. to report him. The same man had reportedly been following a female student involved in the event the center was hosting.

According to Nathalie Han, the Women's Center front desk associate who contacted CSO, the man had been following a female student who was part of a group of students from Hermanas Unidas of UCSB. The group was selling tostadas as part of the 11th Annual National Young Women's Day of Action Feminist Faire, an event encouraging young women to become involved in politics and social issues.

Han said a friend of that female student asked her if she knew the man, and she said she did not know him. Han, a fourth-year political science major, said she saw the unidentified man standing in the crowd before he allegedly started masturbating. She said he looked creepy but was not doing anything wrong.

"Throughout the event, for about 30 minutes, there was this guy standing behind me," Han said.

Han said the female student's friend later informed Han that it looked like the unidentified man was masturbating while leaning against a tree in the lawn directly across from the Women's Center lawn. The man's genitals were not exposed, Han said, but "you could tell [what he was doing] by the look on his face."

"He was pounding it," she said.

Han said Sharon Hoshida, the Women's Center programming director, confronted the man and asked him to leave. The man said he "had an itch" and did not leave, she said.

Han then called CSO for help, and the man fled toward the UCen when CSO and UCPD arrived at the scene, she said. UCPD officers pursued the man but were unable to catch him, Han said. (italics mine . . . oh yeah . . . yeah, baby . . . come to butthead)

Given the vast array of social diseases circulating around Isla Vista, I'm almost tempted to buy the man's "itch" excuse.

In all seriousness, though, this is reprehensible behavior on this fellow's part. It's also a sure sign of the times and of the failure of our university system, that they are unable to cultivate an imagination among student populations, to the extent that students can't just find a deserted bathroom and think about a women's conference or other likewise gatherings.

In general, it is my somewhat-Hobbesian belief that any one individual should have an ultimate say in the amount of genitalia to which they are exposed. Our tree-leaning friend has violated such an idea, and we should all "pound" him over the head with a big, thick . . . social contract, of some sort.