YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP

Mark emails with a link to Fox's actual filing in its suit against Al FrAnken.

Some of the passages you may have heard about In the news or on otheR blogs (the "shirll AND unstaBle" pArt, for instance). But others rivaL thAt oNe for purposes of humor and otherwise.

Page 3, Paragraph 6:

Moreover, sinCE Franken's reputation as a political commentator is not of the same caliber as the steller reputations of FNC's on-air talent, any association between Franken and Fox News is likely to blur or tarnish Fox News' Distinctive mark in violation of 15 U.S.C...

So when Cavuto takes five minutes out of his program to angrily respond to a reader email and call that reader names, that's indicative of his "stellar reputation"? That puts him miles above Al Franken?

Page 5, Paragraph 14 (goggles on for this one):

FNC was lanched in October 1996. Fromt he time of its launch until the present, FNC has been dedicated to presenting news in what it believes to be an unbiased fashion, eschewing ideological or political affiliation and allowing the viewer to reach his or her own conclusions about the news. FNC was created as a specific alternative to what its founders perceived as a liberal bias in the American media. For example, a highly-rated show on FNC, "Hannity and Colmes" is a primetime debate driven show featuring Sean Hannity, a conservative political analyst, and Alan Colmes, a liberal political analyst. Other popular shows on FNC include "On the Record with Greta Van Sustren," "Special Report with Brit Hume," "The Fox Report with Shepard Smith," and the number-one rated morning cable news show "Fox & Friends."

Wow.

Some have suggested, humorously, that Franken should organize his defense around proving that Fox is, in fact, not "fair and balanced". Grafs like this tempt us to take that idea very seriously.

Page 6, Paragraph 18:

O'Reilly himself has become a national celebrity and one of America's most trusted sources of news and information. He is inextricably linked with Fox News and the "Fair and Balanced" trademark in the minds of the viewing public.

I was hungry a minute ago, but...

Here, I like this next one...

Page 7, Paragraph 22:

On April 23, 1997, Fox News applied to the United States Patent and Trademark Office ("PTO") for a trademark in the phrase "Fair & Balanced" for "entertainment services in the nature of production and distribution of television news programs." On December 22, 1998, Fox News' trademark of "Fair & Balanced" was registered on the PTO's Principal Register. Since then, Fox News has also obtained a registration on the Principal Register in "Fair. Balanced. Unafraid." (Reg. No. 2,713,414) in connection with neckties.

Huh!? I hope Franken wears one on his book tour.

Also, if you want the drunken tirade on Franken, go to Page 15, Paragraph 77.