The Facts Machine

"And I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide"

Thursday, February 10, 2005


A TFM exclusive!

WASHINGTON DC -- JD Guckert, recently exposed as using the pseudonym "Jeff Gannon" while working as a White House correspondent for the conservative Talon News outlet, resigned from his post, and has been replaced by Talon News with British journalist Ali G.

"I am well chilled about dis," a jubilant Ali G told reporters today in London. "I am checkin forward to angin wiv George Dubya Dubya Bush."

During his tenure as a White House correspondent, Guckert, posing as a reporter named Jeff Gannon from Talon News, would deliberately lob softball questions at Scott McClellan in order to rescue him from the greater scrutiny of other reporters. McClellan would often use him as a "lifeline" to stall for time, and avoid tough questions.

G, who has interviewed the likes of Newt Gingrich, Boutros Boutros Ghali and Pat Buchanan, will be likely to ask hard-hitting questions, such as, "Mista President, givun your administration's tough lingo fa Iran, should we try to check all da evidence dat dey is goin nuclear? For real since yous didn't check any BLT's in Iraq."

The results at today's press gaggle were inconclusive:
MR. McCLELLAN: No, this is -- let me repeat. This goes back through what we've answered previously -- I think what he's answered, what administration officials have answered. He's stated his principles. You all want to try to get us into negotiating with ourselves. We're not going to do that. We stated our principles and made clear what his views are. He's made clear what his views are. And we're going to listen to all ideas that are out there for solving this problem.

(long pause)

MR. McCLELLAN: Oh, fuck it. Yes, go ahead Terry...

wut da fuck? no respeck


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