The Facts Machine

"And I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide"

Wednesday, September 01, 2004


--Aww, no return engagement for Dexter Freebish? Nuts.

--I had never realized how much Bill Frist sounds like Jeff Foxworthy. Get this man a 'stache! (but of course, hide the kitties)

--I give Liddy Dole's new hair-dye color a 6.

--Is the woman on the PA the same woman who does the announcing at Giants games? Cuz I swear...

--The Maryland Lt Governor's little Obama joke fell flatter than a Steve Forbes tax plan.

And now, the primtetime hour:

AHHHHHHH-NULD . . . He's probably just about the only politician in America who can get away with the fond comments he made about Nixon. Of course, that's exactly what Bush supporters want to remind everyone of: The Nixon Administration! Hmm.

Well, first and foremost, he was intelligible. But from there... it took about 12 seconds for him to namedrop a movie of his (True Lies, and I can think of very few movies which portrayed Arab Muslims in a better light.) There were no references to his social liberalism, save for one generality about how Republicans can disagree with each other. It was heavy on his immigrant story, which was to be expected, but at its heart it was a strongly partisan speech, with Schwarzy plugging his Republicanism time and time again.

Lastly, his "fohhwur mohhwur yeee-uhhs!" chanting was rather scary. C-Span was pretty quick in cutting away, thankfully. Let's just say it made me wonder exactly what it was he said in those secret outtakes for Pumping Iron about a certain former world leader's oratory skills.

TERESA COME BACK! ALL IS FORGIVEN! . . . Look, I don't think ragging on a Presidential candidate's children is a recipe for political success, and it probably won't sway a single vote in eitehr direction. That said... I don't think I've ever cringed as many times in any 5-minute period in my entire life than during Jenna & Barbara's moment on stage. That was wholly embarassing. And going by The Corner and Fox's talking heads, this seems to be the consensus opinion. How do children of two generations of presidents get all the way through their undergraduate degrees without having anything to say, other than highly awkward, transparent pop culture references? (Wes Clark's OutKast ad was much funnier, I might add) You'd think a world leader would raise children who are a little more, to be polite, cosmopolitan than that. Or at least that two college graduates whose parents occupy the White House should come off better than as if they were popular high school sophomores half-assedly running for student council.

BUSH AT THE SOFTBALL GAME . . . Okay, guys, the President is asking you to continue playing slow-pitch softball. Take good, bold, decisive swings. Let's have none of this wishy-washy checking-your-swing bullshit. Remember, we're a nation at war. And for your trouble, there's a keg at 2nd base, compliments of the big guy himself...

LAURA . . . Eh. She's a wash. I'm glad she's taken up one of those Pet Subservient First Lady Causes -- literacy -- but frankly I have no interest in her opinion on stem cell research.

Stay tuned for tomorrow, when I hope Defrib Dick leads us in a chant of his signature, anatomically-impossible catchphrase.


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