The Facts Machine

"And I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide"

Monday, May 17, 2004

THIS IS THE END

I'm so sorry. I feel so entirely terrible for so many people tonight. What people? Heterosexual married couples. I'm afraid that your sacred committments to each other have been eternally, and irrevocably rendered meaningless. This is the end of heterosexual marriage. You all might as well just pack your stuff and go live in a cave somewhere. Those God-forsaken gays have brought down your civil society and destroyed your marriage.

In a related story, Reverend Jerry Falwell will be delivering Bush's next PDB.

Okay, okay.

In all seriousness, I am very, very happy about these developments, as our nation has moved one step closer to equal rights for all Americans. Conservatives should note that churches and religious institutions are not being forced to conduct these ceremonies. In short, hooray for Massachusetts.

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