"I'VE SEEN THE DUMBEST CHIMPS OF MY GENERATION..."

C student. Drunk off his ass until age 40. Failed businessman. Failed congressional candidate. Failed foreign policy. Failed economic policy.

And now, he's a poet??

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Laura Bush says her husband is a poet even if, uh, Americans don't know it.

(...)

She revealed that President Bush had penned a poem for her when she got back from a five-day solo trip to Europe, where she attended a book festival in Moscow and visited France -- getting two kisses on the hand from French President Jacques Chirac.

"President Bush is a great leader and a husband, but I bet you didn't know he is also quite the poet," she said. "Upon returning home last night from my long trip I found a lovely poem waiting there for me."

As her husband watched quietly, she recited it.

You might want to get up from your computer at this point...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Oh my, lump in the bed
How I've missed you.

Roses are redder
Bluer am I
Seeing you kissed by that charming French guy.

The dogs and the cat, they missed you too
Barney's still mad you dropped him, he ate your shoe
The distance, my dear, has been such a barrier
Next time you want an adventure, just land on a carrier.

Go ahead, pinch yourself all you want, but he actually wrote this.

Obviously, the purpose of the carrier landing was to put it in a love poem. Well, uh, mission accomplished!

Despite his disdain for Chirac, I'm pretty sure Bush is happy she wasn't in California stumping for Arnold; with his affinity for certain "lumps", she would've soon become woman #16. Of course, if he did that, Laura would have probably run him over.

Can we add failed poet to the above list? Well, if Dylan Thomas were still around, he'd tell Dubya that you start writing poems first, then you become a fall-down drunk. So I guess we can.