NO 'KICKED THE BUCKET' JOKES PLEASE

Certified TFM housemate "Ben White" sums up the greatest story ever told... about a rat, that is:

We had a rat running loose in our kitchen for a month. Finally, we trapped it in a cupboard for two days. In the cupboard, we tried poisoning it with Pledge and killing it with a trip, neither of which worked. So we tried to capture it in a bucket to take it away, but when we tried to do this, it got away. Fortunately, while it was running around on the kitchen floor, we accidentally dropped the bucket on it and killed it.

Don't forget the part about taking it out to the middle of the street and endearingly stroking its lifeless body with an elongated coathanger!

UPDATE: "Ben" adds

We then took its limp body into the street and prodded it with an unfolded coat hanger before setting it atop the dumpster for the next people who threw stuff away to view. (Thanks, Brendan!)